1
00:00:03,853 --> 00:00:05,120
Hey, check it out, guys.
2
00:00:05,155 --> 00:00:07,689
Got a ton of swag
from a beer distributor.
3
00:00:07,724 --> 00:00:08,957
Oh-ho.
I love free stuff.
4
00:00:08,992 --> 00:00:11,093
- All right, Owen, you get the hat.
- Thanks.
5
00:00:11,127 --> 00:00:12,795
Roy, you get some bar towels.
6
00:00:12,829 --> 00:00:14,363
Ahmed...
Bottle opener.
7
00:00:14,397 --> 00:00:16,064
Nice.
8
00:00:16,099 --> 00:00:17,699
Ooh, a beer helmet.
I'll take this.
9
00:00:17,734 --> 00:00:21,403
This is perfect for
my morning stroll... or church.
10
00:00:21,437 --> 00:00:23,872
Oh, what's this?
11
00:00:23,907 --> 00:00:25,874
That would be my swag.
12
00:00:25,909 --> 00:00:28,243
Is there cash in there?
A-are you getting a kickback?
13
00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:29,945
It's not for selling beer.
14
00:00:29,979 --> 00:00:33,382
I have pictures of the guy
dressed as not a guy.
15
00:00:33,416 --> 00:00:36,752
Check this out.
16
00:00:36,786 --> 00:00:39,254
A breathalyzer
with their logo on the front.
17
00:00:39,289 --> 00:00:40,689
[Chuckles]
18
00:00:40,723 --> 00:00:42,858
Oh, look,
there's a joke on the back.
19
00:00:42,892 --> 00:00:47,095
Oh, this is good.
"Please drink responsibly."
20
00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:48,330
[Laughter]
21
00:00:48,364 --> 00:00:49,965
Breathalyzer...
Now, that is cool.
22
00:00:49,999 --> 00:00:52,000
Do you know
what a breathalyzer is?
23
00:00:52,035 --> 00:00:55,170
Yes. It tells
if your breath is lying.
24
00:00:55,205 --> 00:00:57,039
Owen, you breathe in the tube.
25
00:00:57,073 --> 00:00:59,041
It measures
your blood/alcohol level
26
00:00:59,075 --> 00:01:01,310
so you don't drink and drive.
27
00:01:01,344 --> 00:01:04,213
[Beep]
28
00:01:06,182 --> 00:01:07,182
[Beep]
29
00:01:08,284 --> 00:01:10,953
[Beep, beep]
30
00:01:10,987 --> 00:01:12,321
Get that thing away from me!
31
00:01:12,355 --> 00:01:15,157
And give me one more
for the road, Steve.
32
00:01:17,095 --> 00:01:20,295
Sync and corrections by bellows
www.Addic7ed.Com
33
00:01:20,296 --> 00:01:24,233
♪ da da da da,
da da da, da, da da ♪
34
00:01:24,267 --> 00:01:28,370
♪ da, da da da, da da da ♪
35
00:01:28,404 --> 00:01:32,641
♪ da da da da,
da da da, da da da ♪
36
00:01:32,675 --> 00:01:38,213
♪ da da da da, da da da,
da da da, da da da, hey! ♪
37
00:01:38,248 --> 00:01:39,648
Hey, Ahmed, how did things go
38
00:01:39,682 --> 00:01:40,849
with the hot girl
Saturday night?
39
00:01:40,884 --> 00:01:42,851
Oh, man,
she was all over me, right?
40
00:01:42,886 --> 00:01:45,320
Yeah, it was like she just
got out of prison or something.
41
00:01:45,355 --> 00:01:48,357
Better...
A 15-year marriage.
42
00:01:48,391 --> 00:01:51,059
Man, I'm eight years
into my sentence.
43
00:01:51,094 --> 00:01:54,363
Can't remember the last time
I had a conjugal visit.
44
00:01:54,397 --> 00:01:57,199
It's been all solitary.
You know what?
45
00:01:57,233 --> 00:02:00,769
I'm breaking myself out tonight
"Shawshank" -style!
46
00:02:00,803 --> 00:02:02,571
So, what happened
after you left here?
47
00:02:02,605 --> 00:02:03,906
Did you go back to your place?
48
00:02:03,940 --> 00:02:05,340
No, we went to get coffee
49
00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:06,875
because she wanted us to
get to know each other better.
50
00:02:06,910 --> 00:02:08,911
- Not laid!
- Not laid!
51
00:02:08,945 --> 00:02:10,279
What about you, Owen?
52
00:02:10,313 --> 00:02:12,014
I had a date, but she canceled.
53
00:02:12,048 --> 00:02:14,750
So I went back to my place
and ran the bases myself.
54
00:02:15,785 --> 00:02:18,887
That's my little ballplayer.
55
00:02:18,922 --> 00:02:21,990
With him, it's practice,
practice, practice.
56
00:02:22,025 --> 00:02:25,160
And I tell you,
when you put in all that time,
57
00:02:25,194 --> 00:02:27,029
you see the results.
58
00:02:27,063 --> 00:02:28,664
What about you, Steve?
59
00:02:28,698 --> 00:02:30,299
How did your Saturday night go?
60
00:02:30,333 --> 00:02:32,000
Same old thing. You know,
it's tough to meet somebody
61
00:02:32,035 --> 00:02:33,802
when you're working
all the time.
62
00:02:33,836 --> 00:02:35,804
You know, I wouldn't mind having
a woman waiting for me upstairs
63
00:02:35,838 --> 00:02:38,340
after work
that wasn't my mother.
64
00:02:38,374 --> 00:02:41,944
You're a bartender.
You meet women all the time.
65
00:02:41,978 --> 00:02:43,745
Yeah, but they're not
relationship material.
66
00:02:43,780 --> 00:02:45,347
You know me...
I always put my career first.
67
00:02:45,381 --> 00:02:47,382
But now I'm back home.
I got my priorities straight.
68
00:02:47,417 --> 00:02:49,084
I'm not settling for less.
69
00:02:49,118 --> 00:02:51,920
Okay, this conversation is
depressing the shit out of me.
70
00:02:53,389 --> 00:02:55,958
Can we stop talking about
how much our dating lives suck?
71
00:02:55,992 --> 00:02:57,292
Hey, guys.
Say hi to Nick.
72
00:02:57,327 --> 00:02:58,860
We met at the supermarket.
73
00:02:58,895 --> 00:03:00,896
We both reached
for the same pack of gum.
74
00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:03,031
And the next thing you know,
we're having lunch together.
75
00:03:03,066 --> 00:03:04,766
Isn't that awesome?!
76
00:03:04,801 --> 00:03:06,801
- Screw you! -Screw you! - Screw you!
- Screw you!
77
00:03:11,841 --> 00:03:13,675
Thanks again for lunch, Nick.
78
00:03:13,710 --> 00:03:15,077
- That was great.
- Yeah.
79
00:03:15,111 --> 00:03:17,612
How did you find that awesome
little Italian place?
80
00:03:17,647 --> 00:03:19,047
Olive Garden?
81
00:03:21,217 --> 00:03:23,218
- I'm trying too hard, right?
- A bit.
82
00:03:23,252 --> 00:03:24,653
[Chuckles]
83
00:03:24,687 --> 00:03:26,054
Well, I have to get back
to the office.
84
00:03:26,089 --> 00:03:27,622
I'll... text you later.
85
00:03:29,826 --> 00:03:34,296
You know, uh,
l-let's not ruin it with a kiss.
86
00:03:34,330 --> 00:03:35,697
Good idea.
87
00:03:35,732 --> 00:03:37,165
Something to look forward to.
88
00:03:44,941 --> 00:03:47,342
Hank, you okay?
You look a little slow today.
89
00:03:47,377 --> 00:03:48,710
Am I?
90
00:03:48,745 --> 00:03:50,045
Did you move the bar
91
00:03:50,079 --> 00:03:52,647
further away from the door
since last night?
92
00:03:53,383 --> 00:03:55,217
No.
93
00:03:55,251 --> 00:03:56,752
Hank, maybe you're just
a little run-down.
94
00:03:56,786 --> 00:03:57,953
Nah, I'm okay.
95
00:03:57,987 --> 00:04:00,155
1, 2, 3!
96
00:04:01,824 --> 00:04:03,125
4, 5, 6!
97
00:04:03,159 --> 00:04:05,761
6!
98
00:04:05,795 --> 00:04:07,763
Steve, did you
move the barstools higher
99
00:04:07,797 --> 00:04:09,331
since last night?
100
00:04:09,365 --> 00:04:11,166
Hank, are you sure you're okay?
101
00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:12,634
Your hand is shaking.
102
00:04:12,668 --> 00:04:14,369
'Cause it's not holding a beer!
103
00:04:15,972 --> 00:04:17,906
Oh, I feel a little dizzy.
104
00:04:17,940 --> 00:04:19,207
Hank, you need
to go to the doctor.
105
00:04:19,242 --> 00:04:20,742
Yeah, right now.
106
00:04:20,777 --> 00:04:22,277
Okay, I have to drink
my beer first.
107
00:04:22,311 --> 00:04:24,079
Before you go to your doctor?
108
00:04:24,113 --> 00:04:25,614
Yeah, he starts to worry
109
00:04:25,648 --> 00:04:28,884
if he sees a drop
in my blood/alcohol level.
110
00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:32,654
Hey, check her out.
Sweet.
111
00:04:32,688 --> 00:04:35,323
Looks like I'm done
rounding the bases myself.
112
00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:38,360
Good luck, slugger.
113
00:04:39,829 --> 00:04:42,964
I have a gift. I can guess
any woman's weight.
114
00:04:42,999 --> 00:04:46,201
You're 117 pounds.
115
00:04:46,235 --> 00:04:47,769
I'm 118.
116
00:04:47,804 --> 00:04:49,971
Well, it's good to have a goal.
117
00:04:50,006 --> 00:04:52,841
Aww, you're strange but cute.
118
00:04:52,875 --> 00:04:55,077
I'm sorry. I really
have to get back to work.
119
00:04:55,111 --> 00:04:57,212
[Chuckles]
120
00:04:57,246 --> 00:05:00,882
I totally got shot down,
but she was so nice about it.
121
00:05:00,917 --> 00:05:02,617
Really?
Yeah, go for it.
122
00:05:05,188 --> 00:05:06,788
Hi. I'm Ahmed.
123
00:05:06,823 --> 00:05:09,124
You seem like an interesting
guy, Ahmed, but I'm sorry.
124
00:05:09,158 --> 00:05:10,659
I'm really busy.
125
00:05:10,693 --> 00:05:13,128
I get it.
126
00:05:14,797 --> 00:05:18,633
She called me interesting.
That was fantastic!
127
00:05:18,668 --> 00:05:22,003
We've really elevated the type
of women we get shot down by.
128
00:05:23,206 --> 00:05:26,208
Wow. Who is that?
Don't waste your time.
129
00:05:26,242 --> 00:05:29,211
She's nice,
but she's really, really busy.
130
00:05:29,245 --> 00:05:31,880
Then she probably
doesn't want to be bothered.
131
00:05:31,914 --> 00:05:33,882
You're always complaining you
don't have time to meet women
132
00:05:33,916 --> 00:05:35,684
because you work too hard.
133
00:05:35,718 --> 00:05:36,952
Here's your chance.
134
00:05:36,986 --> 00:05:38,286
Yeah, you don't want to
be married to a bar.
135
00:05:38,321 --> 00:05:40,989
Wish I was married to a bar.
136
00:05:41,023 --> 00:05:44,926
You always know
there's something you can tap.
137
00:05:44,961 --> 00:05:46,661
You guys are right.
138
00:05:46,696 --> 00:05:49,436
I-I haven't had a serious
girlfriend since New York.
139
00:05:49,464 --> 00:05:50,665
Way too long.
140
00:05:50,699 --> 00:05:52,132
Yeah, I bet she'd like you,
Steve.
141
00:05:52,167 --> 00:05:53,188
Carol:
Oh, I'd have to agree.
142
00:05:53,201 --> 00:05:55,469
Steve's fine
euro-Asian features
143
00:05:55,503 --> 00:05:57,023
have been known
to keep me up at night.
144
00:05:57,140 --> 00:05:59,975
So smooth...
Like a dolphin.
145
00:06:00,009 --> 00:06:02,777
Of course Steve can get her.
146
00:06:02,812 --> 00:06:05,046
All he has to do
is play the lawyer card.
147
00:06:05,081 --> 00:06:06,314
I don't need the lawyer card.
148
00:06:06,349 --> 00:06:08,683
Yeah. Steve's good-looking,
smart...
149
00:06:08,718 --> 00:06:11,953
Still lives at home, sunk all
of his money into this place.
150
00:06:11,988 --> 00:06:14,156
You're gonna need
the lawyer card.
151
00:06:16,292 --> 00:06:18,627
Hi. I'm Steve. I-I couldn't help
noticing that...
152
00:06:18,661 --> 00:06:19,928
That I don't have a drink.
153
00:06:19,962 --> 00:06:22,097
Yes, Irish coffee,
and could you make sure
154
00:06:22,131 --> 00:06:24,266
people stop bothering me?
Thanks so much.
155
00:06:30,940 --> 00:06:32,240
You know,
I'm not just the bartender.
156
00:06:32,275 --> 00:06:34,176
I, uh...
I own the place.
157
00:06:34,210 --> 00:06:36,645
That's nice.
I'm also a lawyer.
158
00:06:36,679 --> 00:06:38,613
I'm a lawyer, too.
159
00:06:38,648 --> 00:06:41,316
I'll get you that drink.
160
00:06:42,785 --> 00:06:44,252
Played the lawyer card,
didn't you?
161
00:06:44,287 --> 00:06:46,221
Like a bitch.
162
00:06:56,658 --> 00:06:58,626
Hank, what did the doctor say?
163
00:06:58,660 --> 00:07:01,062
It was very informative.
164
00:07:01,096 --> 00:07:03,598
- My testosterone is low.
- How low?
165
00:07:03,632 --> 00:07:05,166
Well, you know my man boobs?
166
00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:06,601
Turns out they're just boobs.
167
00:07:08,637 --> 00:07:10,104
Eyes up here, Owen!
168
00:07:10,139 --> 00:07:12,607
Instead of being at 900,
169
00:07:12,641 --> 00:07:15,476
my hormone count
is at a lofty 2.
170
00:07:15,511 --> 00:07:18,346
A newborn girl
has a count of 10.
171
00:07:18,380 --> 00:07:20,114
Can I touch one of 'em?
172
00:07:20,149 --> 00:07:22,350
Not without a lobster dinner.
173
00:07:26,155 --> 00:07:27,522
Hey, look who made it back.
174
00:07:27,556 --> 00:07:30,224
She's here for Steve.
I knew she was into you.
175
00:07:30,259 --> 00:07:32,760
Oh, how could you tell...
From the way she blew me off?
176
00:07:32,795 --> 00:07:34,629
Yes.
That's what women do.
177
00:07:34,663 --> 00:07:36,631
We pretend that
we're not interested in a guy
178
00:07:36,665 --> 00:07:39,333
to see how interested
the guy is in us.
179
00:07:39,368 --> 00:07:42,770
Okay, when you say it out loud,
it sounds pretty messed up.
180
00:07:44,540 --> 00:07:46,107
But we do it, and it works.
181
00:07:46,141 --> 00:07:48,209
I don't know.
[Cellphone chimes]
182
00:07:48,243 --> 00:07:50,144
All right, don't listen to me,
183
00:07:50,179 --> 00:07:52,313
but check out this text
I just got from Nick.
184
00:07:52,347 --> 00:07:53,548
"Thinking of you."
185
00:07:53,582 --> 00:07:55,416
Yeah... so sweet.
186
00:07:55,450 --> 00:07:57,285
That's all it takes for you...
Three words?
187
00:07:57,319 --> 00:08:00,354
Well, I prefer,
"you're always right."
188
00:08:03,258 --> 00:08:07,228
Hey, you just brushed my boobs!
189
00:08:07,262 --> 00:08:08,429
No, I didn't!
190
00:08:08,463 --> 00:08:10,164
I was just
getting the pretzels!
191
00:08:10,199 --> 00:08:13,367
Do that again, you're getting
a face full of pepper spray.
192
00:08:16,238 --> 00:08:18,673
So, Crosby scored two goals
last night.
193
00:08:18,707 --> 00:08:20,274
I'm sorry?
194
00:08:20,309 --> 00:08:21,776
Yeah, he could have easily
had the hat trick
195
00:08:21,810 --> 00:08:23,344
if he got a better bounce.
196
00:08:23,378 --> 00:08:25,646
You're talking to me, right?
197
00:08:25,681 --> 00:08:27,248
Only if you're a penguins fan.
198
00:08:27,282 --> 00:08:28,616
Since forever.
199
00:08:28,650 --> 00:08:30,384
Mario Lemieux's name
was on the back of my onesie.
200
00:08:30,419 --> 00:08:31,586
I can beat that.
201
00:08:31,620 --> 00:08:33,087
When my mom
gave me a time-out,
202
00:08:33,121 --> 00:08:34,488
I pretended
I was in the penalty box.
203
00:08:34,523 --> 00:08:36,724
[Chuckles] Want to sit?
204
00:08:39,428 --> 00:08:41,095
Melanie, I need your help.
205
00:08:41,129 --> 00:08:43,264
My doctor told me
I need testosterone injections.
206
00:08:43,298 --> 00:08:44,765
Could you give me the shot?
207
00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:47,568
Sorry, Hank, I'm off duty,
and I've had a couple beers.
208
00:08:47,603 --> 00:08:49,070
What's the big deal?
209
00:08:49,104 --> 00:08:50,371
I have 10 beers
and go land airplanes.
210
00:08:50,405 --> 00:08:53,307
Susan, how about you?
211
00:08:53,342 --> 00:08:54,575
Uh, I hate needles.
212
00:08:54,610 --> 00:08:57,778
That's how my mom
potty-trained me.
213
00:08:57,813 --> 00:09:02,216
Well, I hate 'em, too!
I need somebody to do it!
214
00:09:02,251 --> 00:09:04,118
Really, Hank,
you want the black guy
215
00:09:04,152 --> 00:09:07,054
who you've been giving crap to
for years to give you a shot?
216
00:09:08,156 --> 00:09:10,291
All it takes
is one tiny air bubble.
217
00:09:11,827 --> 00:09:14,262
Well, there's got to be somebody
in this bar
218
00:09:14,296 --> 00:09:16,230
with cojones big enough
to do this.
219
00:09:16,265 --> 00:09:18,232
That would be me.
220
00:09:18,267 --> 00:09:21,102
5-inch needle into soft,
doughy thighs
221
00:09:21,136 --> 00:09:25,439
that haven't seen the sun
since 1962?
222
00:09:25,474 --> 00:09:27,508
Hand it over.
223
00:09:27,542 --> 00:09:29,510
Honey, are you sure?
224
00:09:29,544 --> 00:09:31,112
Ooh.
225
00:09:31,146 --> 00:09:34,315
I usually like to inflict pain
as a surprise,
226
00:09:34,349 --> 00:09:36,851
but I'll still get a rush.
227
00:09:39,688 --> 00:09:42,823
Can I pick the spot
for the injection?
228
00:09:42,858 --> 00:09:44,825
Neck, eye?
229
00:09:44,860 --> 00:09:47,128
Fun sac?
230
00:09:47,162 --> 00:09:48,296
If you can find it.
231
00:09:48,330 --> 00:09:49,797
My testosterone is so low,
232
00:09:49,831 --> 00:09:52,733
it's all smooth down there
like a Ken doll.
233
00:09:54,670 --> 00:09:56,270
- So, you left New York, too?
- Yeah.
234
00:09:56,305 --> 00:09:58,072
I loved the park
and the theater.
235
00:09:58,106 --> 00:09:59,707
And the
all-night restaurants.
236
00:09:59,741 --> 00:10:02,310
Oh, but you know the one thing
I don't miss is the nutjobs.
237
00:10:02,344 --> 00:10:05,146
- Oh.
Hank: - Ya-hoo!
238
00:10:05,180 --> 00:10:07,548
[Laughs] All right,
all right, all right!
239
00:10:07,582 --> 00:10:11,385
Who wants to
start a fight club?!
240
00:10:15,590 --> 00:10:17,558
I can't believe
you know that place.
241
00:10:17,592 --> 00:10:19,627
Bergoni's was my favorite
sandwich shop in Pittsburgh.
242
00:10:19,661 --> 00:10:21,329
When I'd get stressed out
in law school,
243
00:10:21,363 --> 00:10:23,798
I'd visualize
their meatball subs.
244
00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:26,167
It worked better than yoga.
Weird, right?
245
00:10:26,201 --> 00:10:27,668
No, weird was what I did
when they closed.
246
00:10:27,703 --> 00:10:29,437
I remember banging
on the locked front door.
247
00:10:29,471 --> 00:10:30,771
Wow.
I'm not done.
248
00:10:30,806 --> 00:10:32,373
[Laughs]
249
00:10:32,407 --> 00:10:33,874
And then when nobody answered,
I started ugly crying
250
00:10:33,909 --> 00:10:36,811
and yelling,
"how could you leave me?!"
251
00:10:36,845 --> 00:10:38,379
I totally get it.
252
00:10:38,413 --> 00:10:39,880
I'd give anything
to have that sandwich again.
253
00:10:39,915 --> 00:10:41,882
You want a piece of me?!
254
00:10:41,917 --> 00:10:43,584
Let's go!
255
00:10:43,618 --> 00:10:45,453
Would you excuse me?
256
00:10:45,487 --> 00:10:47,455
Hank, what are you doing?!
257
00:10:47,489 --> 00:10:49,824
I want to hear
"our love is here to stay"!
258
00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:51,525
That's a great song, Hank,
259
00:10:51,560 --> 00:10:53,227
but it hasn't been on
that jukebox for about 25 years.
260
00:10:53,261 --> 00:10:54,628
- Well, who took it off?!
- I did.
261
00:10:54,663 --> 00:10:57,832
- You want to go?!
- Oh, geez!
262
00:10:59,801 --> 00:11:01,302
What's with Hank?
263
00:11:01,336 --> 00:11:03,170
This shouldn't happen
from one shot of testosterone.
264
00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:05,239
I guess
it really packs a wallop.
265
00:11:05,273 --> 00:11:10,244
I know.
It's my new favorite drug.
266
00:11:10,278 --> 00:11:13,881
So much rage
in one little bottle.
267
00:11:13,915 --> 00:11:15,683
You gave him the whole bottle?
268
00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:18,519
Of course I did.
You saw how weak he was.
269
00:11:18,553 --> 00:11:20,788
That bottle
was a month's supply.
270
00:11:20,822 --> 00:11:22,723
You totally overdosed him.
271
00:11:22,758 --> 00:11:25,593
Now I've done two things
I've always dreamed of...
272
00:11:25,627 --> 00:11:30,898
Stab someone with a big needle
and overdose an innocent victim.
273
00:11:33,602 --> 00:11:36,437
Look, this stuff
eventually wears off.
274
00:11:36,471 --> 00:11:38,839
But until then,
keep an eye on him.
275
00:11:38,874 --> 00:11:41,575
I'm fine...
Just got a little frisky there.
276
00:11:41,610 --> 00:11:43,490
You got to admit,
it's a hell of a song, though!
277
00:11:43,512 --> 00:11:46,313
Hey, Ahmed, I'll bet he
could beat you in arm-wrestling.
278
00:11:46,348 --> 00:11:48,816
Yeah, right.
I'm half his age.
279
00:11:50,519 --> 00:11:51,786
[Grunting]
280
00:11:51,820 --> 00:11:54,455
[Crack] Aah, Hank,
you broke my arm!
281
00:11:54,489 --> 00:11:55,823
Pussy!
282
00:11:57,225 --> 00:12:00,461
Hank, can you open this
with your teeth?
283
00:12:00,495 --> 00:12:02,663
Whoa!
Whoa!
284
00:12:03,799 --> 00:12:05,533
You were right about Kara.
285
00:12:05,567 --> 00:12:07,687
- I-I think she came back for me.
- Of course she did.
286
00:12:07,702 --> 00:12:09,837
You're a Pittsburgh 10.
287
00:12:09,871 --> 00:12:11,705
Well, thanks for sending me
back over there.
288
00:12:11,740 --> 00:12:15,276
She's cool and a huge hockey fan
and not afraid to eat.
289
00:12:15,310 --> 00:12:16,790
Good sign.
So, here's what you do now.
290
00:12:16,812 --> 00:12:18,145
I got this
291
00:12:18,180 --> 00:12:19,547
oh, all right.
292
00:12:19,581 --> 00:12:21,415
Are you saying
that you don't need my advice?
293
00:12:21,450 --> 00:12:22,850
I don't need your advice.
294
00:12:22,884 --> 00:12:24,418
[Cellphone chimes]
295
00:12:24,453 --> 00:12:26,120
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait!
296
00:12:26,154 --> 00:12:28,622
- I need your advice.
- What?
297
00:12:28,657 --> 00:12:30,191
Nick wants to
take me to the opera.
298
00:12:30,225 --> 00:12:32,159
Is that too much
for a second date?
299
00:12:32,194 --> 00:12:35,162
- The opera? - Yeah, I told him that I
liked it, and he got us tickets.
300
00:12:35,197 --> 00:12:37,198
What an asshole.
301
00:12:37,232 --> 00:12:38,732
- Really?
- No, no.
302
00:12:38,767 --> 00:12:40,401
Sounds like a good guy.
303
00:12:40,435 --> 00:12:42,903
For once, don't overthink this.
Everything will be fine.
304
00:12:44,172 --> 00:12:45,539
All: 49!
305
00:12:45,574 --> 00:12:47,741
50! Whoa!
306
00:12:47,776 --> 00:12:49,443
If you stand right here,
307
00:12:49,478 --> 00:12:51,712
you can see
right down his shirt.
308
00:12:51,746 --> 00:12:55,182
1! 2! 3!
309
00:12:55,217 --> 00:12:57,518
You know, I'm gonna get you
to close this thing.
310
00:12:57,552 --> 00:12:59,286
Good luck.
My whole life's on there.
311
00:12:59,321 --> 00:13:00,588
You remember what it's like
312
00:13:00,622 --> 00:13:02,256
when you're trying
to make partner.
313
00:13:02,290 --> 00:13:04,258
Oh, yeah, but... but you got
to take a break sometime,
314
00:13:04,292 --> 00:13:08,129
like go see a movie...
Dinner?
315
00:13:08,163 --> 00:13:10,264
Thursday night's Penguins game?
316
00:13:10,298 --> 00:13:12,800
You play dirty.
[Chuckles]
317
00:13:12,834 --> 00:13:15,269
- When it's worth it.
- You're on. What time?
318
00:13:15,303 --> 00:13:16,783
I don't know.
Let's check the website.
319
00:13:16,805 --> 00:13:18,439
[Gasps] Oh, God,
oh, God, oh, God!
320
00:13:18,473 --> 00:13:19,773
Oh! I'm so sorry!
Oh, you know,
321
00:13:19,808 --> 00:13:21,642
I read this article
that lots of times when
322
00:13:21,676 --> 00:13:23,677
you spill liquid on a computer,
it has no effect.
323
00:13:23,712 --> 00:13:26,647
This much liquid?
324
00:13:26,681 --> 00:13:28,649
I didn't finish the article.
325
00:13:28,683 --> 00:13:30,384
I need to get this
to my computer guy right away.
326
00:13:30,418 --> 00:13:31,619
Again, I'm really sorry.
327
00:13:31,653 --> 00:13:33,154
Whatever it costs,
I'll pay for it.
328
00:13:33,188 --> 00:13:35,156
It's okay.
329
00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:36,524
So, are... are we still on
for Thursday or...
330
00:13:36,558 --> 00:13:38,592
I don't know. I just really
have to go right now.
331
00:13:38,627 --> 00:13:40,327
[Sighs]
332
00:13:40,362 --> 00:13:42,863
I just blew that, didn't I?
333
00:13:42,898 --> 00:13:47,568
Oh, I'm sorry. Did you
just ask for my advice?
334
00:13:47,602 --> 00:13:50,271
This amazing woman
walks into my bar, and I...
335
00:13:50,305 --> 00:13:51,805
I screw it up.
336
00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:53,340
You really like this girl?
337
00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:55,609
[Chuckles] Yeah.
338
00:13:55,644 --> 00:13:57,878
Okay, I can fix this for you.
339
00:13:57,913 --> 00:14:00,314
You're gonna need
to do something romantic,
340
00:14:00,348 --> 00:14:01,682
something extraordinary.
341
00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:04,118
Like waiting naked in her bed
when she gets home?
342
00:14:04,152 --> 00:14:06,387
That's romantic to you?
343
00:14:06,421 --> 00:14:09,423
Well, excuse me for
having a positive body image.
344
00:14:09,457 --> 00:14:11,258
[Sighs]
345
00:14:11,293 --> 00:14:14,295
You need a-a gesture...
Something that lets her know
346
00:14:14,329 --> 00:14:17,131
that you are someone
worth paying attention to.
347
00:14:17,165 --> 00:14:18,799
Sounds complicated.
What can I tell ya?
348
00:14:18,833 --> 00:14:21,569
We're women.
We're complicated.
349
00:14:21,603 --> 00:14:22,803
Hank:
Hey, Steve, Steve!
350
00:14:22,837 --> 00:14:24,805
You got some hanging meat
I can punch?
351
00:14:24,839 --> 00:14:26,807
Yeah, and if you get sweaty,
352
00:14:26,841 --> 00:14:28,709
maybe you can
take your shirt off.
353
00:14:41,054 --> 00:14:44,023
Hey, Mel, I was thinking
about what you were saying,
354
00:14:44,057 --> 00:14:46,692
the gesture, and I think
I came up with something big,
355
00:14:46,726 --> 00:14:48,994
unexpected, and, uh,
she's really gonna love it.
356
00:14:49,029 --> 00:14:50,763
Ooh, that's great.
What is it?
357
00:14:50,797 --> 00:14:53,032
You'll see. How are things
going for you and Nick?
358
00:14:53,066 --> 00:14:54,433
[Sighs] It's going great.
359
00:14:54,467 --> 00:14:56,835
The opera's tonight,
and he's totally psyched.
360
00:14:56,870 --> 00:14:58,971
He said, "totally psyched"?
361
00:14:59,005 --> 00:15:00,706
Yeah, why?
362
00:15:00,740 --> 00:15:02,341
Because no guy
in the history of guys
363
00:15:02,375 --> 00:15:04,843
has ever been totally psyched
to go to the opera.
364
00:15:04,878 --> 00:15:07,046
He just wants you
to think he's a cool guy
365
00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:10,115
so you fall for him, you go
back to his place, and have sex.
366
00:15:10,150 --> 00:15:11,683
Nick's not like that.
367
00:15:11,718 --> 00:15:13,352
Yes, he is. He's a man,
and men are simple.
368
00:15:13,386 --> 00:15:14,686
No, he's not.
369
00:15:14,721 --> 00:15:17,256
He's kind, classy, elegant...
370
00:15:17,290 --> 00:15:19,058
[Cellphone chimes]
371
00:15:19,092 --> 00:15:22,094
And he just sent me
a picture of his dick!
372
00:15:24,864 --> 00:15:28,000
- I'm sorry.
- No.
373
00:15:28,034 --> 00:15:29,334
The guy was a creep.
374
00:15:29,369 --> 00:15:31,637
And now I don't have to buy
shoes for the opera.
375
00:15:31,671 --> 00:15:33,672
I'm good.
Douche bag!
376
00:15:34,908 --> 00:15:36,875
I'm good.
377
00:15:36,910 --> 00:15:39,151
I'm just looking out for you
the way you look out for me.
378
00:15:41,414 --> 00:15:43,415
Hey, you're up.
379
00:15:43,450 --> 00:15:46,251
- You got this.
- Hey, Kara.
380
00:15:46,286 --> 00:15:49,721
Hi. You called me at work?
What's the legal emergency?
381
00:15:49,756 --> 00:15:51,924
Thanks for coming. I-I need
your counsel on something.
382
00:15:51,958 --> 00:15:53,292
Could I get in trouble
383
00:15:53,326 --> 00:15:54,893
for serving food
if I don't have a license?
384
00:15:54,928 --> 00:15:57,096
Of course you can.
Are you really a lawyer?
385
00:15:57,130 --> 00:15:58,897
Yes.
386
00:15:58,932 --> 00:16:01,400
But in this case, there are
some extenuating circumstances.
387
00:16:01,434 --> 00:16:04,036
Listen, whatever you're doing,
I'm sure it's really sweet,
388
00:16:04,070 --> 00:16:08,373
but I am super busy at work
and have... oh, my God!
389
00:16:08,408 --> 00:16:10,375
[Sniffs]
I'd know that smell anywhere!
390
00:16:10,410 --> 00:16:12,111
This is a meatball sub
from bergoni's!
391
00:16:12,145 --> 00:16:13,912
[Chuckles] That's right.
392
00:16:13,947 --> 00:16:15,247
[Sighs] Mmm!
393
00:16:15,281 --> 00:16:17,616
[Muffled] Steve,
how did you pull this off?
394
00:16:17,650 --> 00:16:19,785
Bergoni's sandwich shop
has been closed forever!
395
00:16:19,819 --> 00:16:23,188
Well, I tracked down
Mr. Bergoni.
396
00:16:23,223 --> 00:16:24,923
Hello.
397
00:16:27,260 --> 00:16:29,728
He came out of retirement
when I told him
398
00:16:29,762 --> 00:16:32,698
about this amazing woman
who loved Bergoni sandwiches
399
00:16:32,732 --> 00:16:35,400
and she... might forgive me
if I could find her one.
400
00:16:35,435 --> 00:16:37,703
You are so forgiven.
[Sighs]
401
00:16:39,873 --> 00:16:42,141
C-can I go now?
402
00:16:42,175 --> 00:16:45,144
Yeah. Thank you so much
for doing this.
403
00:16:45,178 --> 00:16:46,778
But you got to tell me
your secret.
404
00:16:46,813 --> 00:16:48,380
How do you make
your sandwiches taste so good?
405
00:16:48,414 --> 00:16:50,716
These hands.
406
00:16:50,750 --> 00:16:52,951
Of course...
A lifetime of experience.
407
00:16:52,986 --> 00:16:56,221
No. I haven't washed them
in 25 years.
408
00:16:59,893 --> 00:17:03,195
Your secret's safe with me.
409
00:17:05,231 --> 00:17:06,932
You have to try this!
410
00:17:06,966 --> 00:17:09,334
Yeah, that's okay.
411
00:17:09,369 --> 00:17:11,203
I can... tell by the look
on your face how good it is.
412
00:17:11,237 --> 00:17:12,771
Oh.
413
00:17:12,805 --> 00:17:14,773
You won't believe
what we got Hank to do!
414
00:17:14,807 --> 00:17:16,008
Not really the time, guys.
415
00:17:18,711 --> 00:17:21,980
I am the traffic God!
[Laughs]
416
00:17:22,015 --> 00:17:23,815
Are you guys
out of your minds?!
417
00:17:23,850 --> 00:17:25,150
Isn't it awesome?!
418
00:17:25,185 --> 00:17:27,719
You don't have to stop
at Polk and Third anymore!
419
00:17:27,754 --> 00:17:28,921
[Tires screeching]
420
00:17:28,955 --> 00:17:31,957
See, no one died.
421
00:17:31,991 --> 00:17:33,659
It might interest you guys
to know
422
00:17:33,693 --> 00:17:35,761
that destruction
of city property is a felony,
423
00:17:35,795 --> 00:17:37,229
and it comes
with a $20,000 fine!
424
00:17:37,263 --> 00:17:39,198
Get this thing
back in the ground!
425
00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:43,068
Don't worry... we'll have Hank
turn that Prius right-side up!
426
00:17:44,437 --> 00:17:46,104
Sorry, where were we?
427
00:17:46,139 --> 00:17:48,106
You know, it seems like
you have a lot going on here.
428
00:17:48,141 --> 00:17:50,709
Maybe we should go
somewhere quieter.
429
00:17:50,743 --> 00:17:52,978
How about my place
after the bar closes?
430
00:17:53,012 --> 00:17:54,846
[Scoffs] Bar's closed!
431
00:17:54,881 --> 00:17:57,916
Everybody out!
Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!
432
00:18:06,793 --> 00:18:09,061
I'm tired of peanuts!
I want mixed nuts!
433
00:18:13,233 --> 00:18:15,767
Man, this stuff
is not wearing off.
434
00:18:15,802 --> 00:18:18,203
I know.
I don't like testosterone Hank.
435
00:18:18,238 --> 00:18:19,905
I miss racist Hank.
436
00:18:19,939 --> 00:18:23,342
I mean, he'd insult you,
but he couldn't kick your ass.
437
00:18:23,376 --> 00:18:25,978
Check this out.
"Testosterone overdoses.
438
00:18:26,012 --> 00:18:28,280
"In most cases,
the excess testosterone
439
00:18:28,314 --> 00:18:31,383
will naturally turn into
the female hormone estrogen."
440
00:18:31,417 --> 00:18:33,318
Does that mean his boobs
are gonna get bigger?
441
00:18:33,353 --> 00:18:34,820
I hope not.
442
00:18:34,854 --> 00:18:37,089
Anything more than a mouthful
is a waste.
443
00:18:38,391 --> 00:18:41,193
Seriously, dude, you got
to stop. It's getting weird.
444
00:18:42,295 --> 00:18:44,730
Should have changed hours ago.
445
00:18:44,764 --> 00:18:46,765
Jack, it's chilly in here.
446
00:18:46,799 --> 00:18:48,834
Do you have a simple throw?
447
00:18:48,868 --> 00:18:52,371
It's happening.
He's turning into a woman.
448
00:18:52,405 --> 00:18:54,006
I don't think I do.
449
00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:55,374
Of course you don't.
450
00:18:55,408 --> 00:18:57,276
That would imply that
I'm a person. I have rights.
451
00:18:57,310 --> 00:18:59,144
I'm sorry you're cold.
452
00:18:59,178 --> 00:19:00,779
No, you're not.
453
00:19:00,813 --> 00:19:03,348
Stop trying to pretend
like you care about my feelings.
454
00:19:03,383 --> 00:19:06,652
Hank, what do you need from me?
455
00:19:06,686 --> 00:19:09,154
Damn it, Jack, I'm not
asking you to solve my problems!
456
00:19:09,188 --> 00:19:11,123
I'm just asking you
to listen to them!
457
00:19:11,991 --> 00:19:15,227
God, it's like we're
from two different planets!
458
00:19:31,279 --> 00:19:34,748
Hey, Mel. Thanks for
helping me close up.
459
00:19:34,783 --> 00:19:37,017
Sure.
Hey, you look great.
460
00:19:37,052 --> 00:19:38,218
And I didn't have to tell you
what to wear.
461
00:19:38,253 --> 00:19:39,753
I'm impressed.
[Chuckles]
462
00:19:39,788 --> 00:19:41,789
Well, sometimes,
I know what I'm doing.
463
00:19:41,823 --> 00:19:43,757
Hey, that whole sandwich thing
was an awesome idea.
464
00:19:43,792 --> 00:19:45,292
Thanks, but that was all you.
465
00:19:45,327 --> 00:19:47,461
Just looking out for you
the way you look out for me.
466
00:19:47,495 --> 00:19:49,296
Well, I don't
need you to do that.
467
00:19:49,331 --> 00:19:50,764
Neither do I.
468
00:19:50,799 --> 00:19:53,734
[Laughs] Well, I'm out of here.
469
00:19:53,768 --> 00:19:55,903
Ah, see you tomorrow.
470
00:19:55,937 --> 00:19:58,038
Hey, Steve?
471
00:19:58,073 --> 00:20:00,274
I'm happy for you.
472
00:20:00,308 --> 00:20:01,875
I know you've been looking
for the right girl
473
00:20:01,910 --> 00:20:04,211
since you came home,
and this girl is funny.
474
00:20:04,245 --> 00:20:06,080
She likes hockey,
meatball subs.
475
00:20:06,114 --> 00:20:08,215
I mean, really,
how many girls like that
476
00:20:08,249 --> 00:20:09,950
are gonna walk into this bar?
477
00:20:09,985 --> 00:20:12,319
I know, right?
[Chuckles] Thanks, Mel.
478
00:20:12,354 --> 00:20:14,355
You bet.
479
00:20:17,826 --> 00:20:20,461
Wait.
What did you say?
480
00:20:20,495 --> 00:20:22,997
- "You bet"?
- No, before that.
481
00:20:23,031 --> 00:20:25,299
I said, "how many girls
like that are gonna..."
482
00:20:25,333 --> 00:20:27,468
- "Walk into this bar?"
- Walk into this bar.
483
00:20:27,502 --> 00:20:29,803
That's what I thought you said.
484
00:20:29,838 --> 00:20:31,171
What?
485
00:20:37,846 --> 00:20:40,080
What was that?
486
00:20:40,115 --> 00:20:42,249
[Sighs] Maybe...
487
00:20:42,283 --> 00:20:44,518
The right girl
was here all along.
488
00:20:44,552 --> 00:20:48,055
Maybe she was.
489
00:20:48,089 --> 00:20:49,823
So, what do we do now?
490
00:20:49,858 --> 00:20:53,927
Not think.
I got this.
491
00:20:53,928 --> 00:20:57,028
Sync and corrections by bellows
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